You Get What You Need

Applying for these jobs is getting depressing. I'm starting to internalize the rejection letters, and believe that I'm never going to actually get a job. I keep filling out the forms and rewriting the cover letters, but I have to say, my heart isn't in it. This isn't really a typical feeling for me, grinding away hopelessly. I have gone through this before, like when I was trying to finish my senior year of high school in the grips of a deep depression, but it's been a long time since then.

I know what the cure is: admitting that things might not go how I'd like, but I can still be happy with how it all turns out. As immortalized by the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need."

I guess I'm just worried about not being able to hold up my half of things with Amanda, of spending all this time getting an education and then not being able to use it, or finding out I'm not cut out for it, or something equally depressing. And I don't want to have to face my family, or Amanda's, and try to explain how this can take years even for qualified people, and that it's not that I'm lazy or incompetent. The waiting sucks.

The Perennial Problem

Right now, I am supposed to be writing letters to send to institutions of higher learning, begging them to consider interviewing me for a professor job. And while I have a lot of motivation for completing that task, it isn't inherently or immediately rewarding. Even crunching numbers and troubleshooting SPSS syntax has a certain sense of accomplishment and progress, but these letters and packets are more a matter of checklist-checking, and I have little attention for that kind of activity.

Moreover, my proclivity for becoming distracted is enhanced by the fact that the source of so many of the things I'm interested in (playing guitar, messing around with my recording gear, hitting the Stumble button, playing video games) are also centered around my computer. So at any given moment while working, I am actually touching the object that is most likely to distract me from the task at hand. This is made even worse by the fact that parts of the job application process require opening a web browser window, which makes it all to easy to open an extra tab, just to check on my blog, which results in me writing a blog post instead of actually emailing the person I came here to email in the first place.

The whole job application process is daunting. I've been reading Jeff Green's Blog, and just today was thinking about how easily he seemed to have found another job. Even if he started looking the instant that they shut down GFW magazine, he didn't spend very long on the job market. It was the same with my dad, when his company went under, he was only out of a job for a couple of months, and even during that time had numerous job offers to choose among.

I suppose this is because they had spent their careers (Jeff isn't that much younger than my dad was when he changed jobs) building their reputations, making contacts who understood that they would be assets in any context, and all the while those contacts were becoming people with the power to help Jeff and my dad out when the time came. However, right now, I am at that most difficult of periods. I have no reputation. I have only the basic skills of my profession, and a passion for my area and for teaching. No long list of accomplishments; not even a long one as graduating PhDs go. Moreover, communicating my confidence, passion, and intelligence is so difficult in a letter, particularly while maintaining a formal tone. My inherent attitude is jovial, friendly, funny, and personal, not formal at all. Even with a joke thrown into my letter, I still think it is too stodgy and plain, but I really don't see a way to change it. I hope that it will get me at least in the door, so that I can start building my career as a scholar, instead of waiting for it to start.

Myspace

I made a Myspace page for my music. I wish I had better recordings of it to put up there, but I've settled for one that I think turned out alright, and I'm working on a few more to get up there soon. It's hard to make myself stop writing and switch to just recording. I'm afraid of forgetting where I was going with the song ideas I had. But I'm not getting any recording done this way, so I think it's time to just settle on a set of songs and not do anything until they're recorded in a decent fashion.

As a part of the Myspace page setup, I had a chance to learn a little about using GiMP, and made the cool photo that is now my profile picture. I really enjoyed it; one new skill for the list:

Guitar Playing
Martial Arts
Juggling
Computer Programming
Social Science (statistics and theoretical analysis)
Cooking
Welding
Lifting Heavy Things
Dealing with Difficult People
Writing
Musical Composition
Knots (working on this one)

That list is shorter than it should be.

The Turing Test

Do you think that the Newegg customer service chat passes it? I was pretty sold until "Eggcellent." NOBODY real would actually take the time to type that after the customer had already said goodbye. On the other hand, maybe just that part was automated and the rest was really Viola. The appropriate delays during her looking up information seemed to really represent a human. But, on the other hand, when I just left the chat window sitting there, she waited 3 minutes before asking if I needed anything else. I presume she handles more than one person at a time, but this still seems like a long time not to try to get me off the line. Either way, it's a little frightening that I have to debate about whether this entity was a robot or not.

Hello my name is Viola. How may I help you today?

3:52:37 PM Jacob

Hi. Just a sec.

3:53:02 PM Jacob

Okay, so I bought using paypal, and forgot that the default address for paypal is my old address, where I no longer live.

3:53:17 PM Jacob

So that is where my stuff got shipped to...

3:53:57 PM Viola

Do you refer to order # ########?

3:54:18 PM Jacob

Yes.

3:56:42 PM Viola

It shows on the USPS website that the address is undeliverable. You may call them at 800-ASK-USPS to see if the address can be corrected.

3:57:07 PM Viola

If the address cannot be corrected, your order would be returned to us.

3:57:17 PM Jacob

Ok, then what?

3:57:42 PM Viola

A full refund will be issued for a returned order.

3:57:52 PM Jacob

Ok.

3:57:59 PM Jacob

I'll call that number.

4:00:12 PM Viola

Thank you for your cooperation.

4:00:22 PM Viola

Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

4:00:51 PM Jacob

I don't think so, they said at that number it would be returned to sender, so I will just reorder.

4:01:09 PM Jacob

So that is all. Thanks.

4:01:22 PM Viola

Thank you for contacting us. I hope you have an Eggcellent day!

4:01:22 PM System

The session has ended!

Perfect Strangers

Okay, so this is a trip down memory lane for me. I totally forgot that this show existed, until I was following links around the Tubesphere and hit on a full episode. It's a really stupid concept, but in a way ingenious: rather than have a sitcom and add in a crazy distant cousin when the show tanks, START with the crazy cousin. But where the writing really is pretty lame, the show is really carried by the great performances of the actors. And I'm sure it had a formative influence on my weird sense of humor. I recommend this episode:



Give it some time, it gets funnier a little bit later. The Karate instructor manages to be really funny and memorable with just a few lines.

This is going to suck.

At the open mic this week, the sound guy played, and he was great. He and I have the same first name, and we chatted for awhile before things got rolling. Initially I felt bad for him, because he had trouble getting the equipment working (it was his first day). But he sounded great when it came to be his turn to play. He has a sort of spanish classical style, and the typical skills associated with it - the triplet trilling, the runs of fast double-picked notes, the generally just badass sounding Em and Am chord progressions.

But what he said before he played a song he wrote was, "I have been told never to say, 'This is going to suck,' on stage, but..." and then he started playing. And he rocked that song. And it's an important lesson about stagecraft: most of it is maintaining the impression that you're doing what you plan to. Even if you fuck up badly, if you can keep it rolling, or even make it seem intentional, you're set.

My playing that night was plagued by problems. The bar is so cold, and my nerves run so sweaty-palm anxious that when it comes time to play anything that is fingerstyle and complicated (i.e. my bread and butter) I lose all my fine control and feel like I'm playing with ten thumbs. Maybe I should learn the Chet Atkins song, All Thumbs:

Excitement

It's amazing how much excitement can be generated solely by people's voices. This clip of the Blind Boys of Alabama illustrates my point. When the rest of the group jumps in with the harmony, I defy you not to get at least a little excited.

A Non-Musical Post

I've noticed that, at least on my computer, I have too many videos on the blog page at one time, so some of them don't really work or don't play with sound. I'm adjusting the settings to hopefully remedy this problem.

In other news, I felt like Monday didn't go particularly well at the open mic. Cherri and I had to start a song over, it didn't seem like I could get my fingers to work quite right, and we just weren't together. It really sucked, because I like those songs, and they had gone so well in rehearsal. I suppose it's just the reality of playing: sometime you eat the bear, and sometimes he eats you.

What is weird about this, though, is that other people really didn't seem to notice. As soon as we were coming off stage, one of the people said we sounded really good together. Later, I asked one of the other regulars how we sounded, and he said we were good, and that he liked my slide playing (which was one of the things I hadn't been happy with). So it's probably just the fact of being nervous and overly critical of ourselves. Probably, they were also being a little extra nice. But at any rate, that's one of the things that I have been finding dissatisfying about playing the open mic: everyone is so nice that you don't really get any feedback.

Here is some slide playing that truly is great:

Recording

Performing is more than just being able to produce something interesting live with your stage presence. It's also about having the discipline to produce a recording with the scope and dimension and meaning you intend. That means honing your sound, solving problems, and ensuring that you can perform perfectly, not just passionately. Anyone interested in learning about the process of producing music should check out the Classic Albums series of documentaries.

Election

Why is it that campaigning turns otherwise great orators, thoroughly likable people, and interesting issues into vanilla pudding? Last night was a perfect example. John McCain, a man who between elections is funny, dynamic, and interesting, became during the course of this election a thorough bore. It wasn't just his presentation in the media: I've watched several of his full speeches, and they all lack any sense of the man's personality and verve. They are performances, acted for the benefit of some predicted effect on the public. But when you're a candidate running very much on your sincerity and reputation for openness and honesty, why undermine that honesty with disingenuous slogans and uncharacteristic sarcasm? It's bad politics, and it's bad performance.

What is equally interesting to me is the suddenness with which these transformations can be reversed. I found McCain's concession speech to be more inspiring than anything he's said or done in weeks. Sincere or not, it SEEMED sincere, and carried none of the bitterness that had been expressed in so much of his recent rhetoric.



On the other hand, I thought Obama was underwhelming. That "Yes, we can" line had all the potential to build itself up into an immense chant as wildly inspiring as "I have a dream," if Obama had been willing to put a little more verve into the performance. By the end, he could have built up into a final chorus of "Yes we can". Instead, he kept the whole speech on an even keel. My partner even said that she thought he seemed somber.



Finally, consider these speeches, which got virtually no attention that I heard about, but which were charming and hilarious. They remind us that these men must have some presence and personality, or they would not have risen to the stations they currently occupy.


McCain:




Obama:

Ted

Growing up, in the relatively small town I grew up in, I encountered a few people repeatedly over the course of my life. One of those people was named Ted. He was an extremely bright kid; we were in the gifted program together (which involved a lot of fistfights and marker huffing - it's a long story) and eventually in High School together too. He was one of the hardest working and most intelligent people I've ever met. He is charming, able to make conversation and jokes, interested in music, and athletic. He is one of those rare people whose brilliance is unmistakable and completely uniform across his personality. He's almost done with medical school now, and should be starting his residency soon. And his brilliance reminds me of the people I've seen talking at TED.

I think that by now, most of us (that is, geeks) have seen at least one or two TED clips. Usually, people have seen then one with the Wiimote:



Or the one with Photosynth:




But there are also some others that are either entertaining, or touching, or inspiring. I'm listing five of them here, not in any particular order, and why I think they're great.

1. John Hodgman



Hilarious. What makes this one so great is Hodgman's ability to not just say ridiculous things, but to point out how easy it is for a man with glasses to seem knowledgeable. I highly recommend his book.


2. Ben Dunlap



This is one of the first exposures I had to the TED talks, and is absolutely fascinating. Dunlap's voice, his story of the life of this fascinating man Tessla, and his enthralling delivery, make it a captivating oration on a par with any of the great theatrical or film performances I have ever seen.

3. The Raspyni Brothers


As a juggler myself, I admire their skills. I also like that old-school cheeseball comedy.

4. Michael Shermer



Usually I don't like this guy. I read his articles, and I think he's kind of an annoying ass in his writing a lot of the time; he has the same obsession as a lot of people with quantitative data as a basis for everything, not just systematic data. But, as a scientist, I think his presentation is useful in showing people that seeing and believing do not make a thing so.

5. I'm going to bed, because it is 0500. Go to the TED Website and find a favorite of your own. I recommend Dave Eggers.

Performance

I have a problem. A lot of the music I have been learning lately has been filtered through some great performers. So the problem is, I learn their version, and not the original. The clips above and below are perfect examples. In my opinion, the version above is vastly inferior to the version below. The song is basically the same, but below, it is filtered through the incredible style of Chris Smither.



I don't think I would have seen the potential for that song, much less have had the wherewithal to actually rewrite it in a way that turned it into such a great number. Similar things can be said of Smither's renditions of "Memphis in the Meantime" by John Hiatt, "It Ain't Easy" by Ron Davies, and, if I'm honest, most of the other covers he does.

What troubles me about this is that I feel like I ought to be listening to crappier music. Smither obviously heard these songs somewhere, and took the time to memorize them well enough to do a new arrangement of them. Which means that either my personal guitar hero must have shitty taste in music, or a great musical insight, which I lack. Moreover, I feel weird doing a cover of a cover, but I really enjoy playing these songs.

There is of course a third possibility: that I have neither a specific musical voice, nor an ability to see the good in a song aside from the performance. While it's possible that this is true, I, like all musicians have no choice but to pretend that it is not, or it would make what I do pointless. So I guess I'm going to stop worrying about it, and proceed as I have been.

I'll end on a very rocking number, performed by Alvin Youngblood Hart: "Big Momma's Door," with the tab (by AdrianD) following. You'll have to paste it into notepad to see it proper-like.

Intro:
.
D-|--0-------0----------------------|--0------------------------------|
B-|-/3------/3-------3---------3----|-/3-------3--------3-------------|
G-|--0-------0-------5-----3---5----|--0-------5---3p0--5----3--------|
D-|---------------------------------|----------------------------5~---|
G-|------0-------0-------0-------0--|------0-------0-------0-------0--|
D-|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|
.
D-|---------------------------/3----|---------------------------/3----|
B-|--------------------0------/3----|------------------------0--/3----|
G-|----------------0---0------------|------0-------0-----0---0--------|
D-|----------------0----------------|------0-------0-----0------------|
G-|------3b--0-------0-----------0--|------0---3b--0-------0-------0--|
D-|-/5----------/5------------------|-/5--------------/5--------------|
.
D-|----------------------------0----|
B-|------------------------0--/3----|
G-|------0-------0-----0---0--------|
D-|------0-------0-----0------------|
G-|------0---3b--0-------0-------0--|
D-|-/5--------------/5--------------|
.
.
Verse:
.
D-|--3h5-----3h5-----3h5---5---3----|--3h5-----5-------3-----5---0----|
B-|--3-------3-------3---------3----|--3---------------3-----3---3----|
G-|--0-------0-------0---------0----|--0---------------0-----0---5\4--|
D-|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|
G-|------0-------0-------0-------0--|------0-------0-------0-----0----|
D-|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|
.
D-|---------------------------/3----|---------------------------/3----|
B-|--------------------0------/3----|------------------------0--/3----|
G-|----------------0---0------------|------0-------0-----0---0--------|
D-|----------------0----------------|------0-------0-----0------------|
G-|------3b--0-------0-----------0--|------0---3b--0-------0-------0--|
D-|-/5----------/5------------------|-/5--------------/5--------------|
.
D-|----------------------------0----|
B-|------------------------0--/3----|
G-|------0-------0-----0---0--------|
D-|------0-------0-----0------------|
G-|------0---3b--0-------0-------0--|
D-|-/5--------------/5--------------|
.
Ending:
.
D-|------0--------------------------|
B-|-----1---------------------------|
G-|----0----------------------------|
D-|---2-----------------------------|
G-|--3------------------------------|
D-|---------------------------------|

Ragtime