You Get What You Need

Applying for these jobs is getting depressing. I'm starting to internalize the rejection letters, and believe that I'm never going to actually get a job. I keep filling out the forms and rewriting the cover letters, but I have to say, my heart isn't in it. This isn't really a typical feeling for me, grinding away hopelessly. I have gone through this before, like when I was trying to finish my senior year of high school in the grips of a deep depression, but it's been a long time since then.

I know what the cure is: admitting that things might not go how I'd like, but I can still be happy with how it all turns out. As immortalized by the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need."

I guess I'm just worried about not being able to hold up my half of things with Amanda, of spending all this time getting an education and then not being able to use it, or finding out I'm not cut out for it, or something equally depressing. And I don't want to have to face my family, or Amanda's, and try to explain how this can take years even for qualified people, and that it's not that I'm lazy or incompetent. The waiting sucks.